Thursday, October 1, 2020

A perfect life


If I imagine how a perfect life would look for me... 

Okay, let’s just ignore that this would include being able to visit my family and not feeling so scared all the time. Just focus on the things that I can change. 

If I imagine how a perfect life would look for me, I’d be out in the garden a lot, take pride in keeping my house clean, organized and cozy, take a swim every day and spend the rest of my time sewing, knitting, crafting, cooking, baking, making herbal remedies, studying and reading. 

Um, so why don’t I? 

Okay, I have to spent some time working on my computer every day (or at least a few days a week), but why I can’t choose to do all those other things? Why do I keep coming up with excuses? Are those excuses (most important one: so tired all the time) valid and can I change something about it?

Three things I’m going to focus on this month, hoping that this will help me to live that life I’d like to have: 

 1. Mind my diet. I know what’s best for my body, but my emotional cravings are off the chart. I really need to be more intentional about the meals I eat, to be able to convince myself that I don’t need additional food. That’s what worked for me a few years ago – I lost 75 pounds back then, gained half of that again. And what’s more important than those numbers on the scale: I felt strong and had lots of energy and now I feel weak and tired. 

2. Limit screen time. It’s a downward spiral. I don’t feel well, so I spend way too much time online. And that wears me out even more. Blogs, Instagram and YouTube can be inspirational, educational or entertaining, but it’s also draining. Reading news is necessary, but the constant buzz is making me sick (both mentally and physically). I need to be more mindful about that, force myself to knit or read when I take a break, instead of opening that browser (I am succesful at not using my phone for these things, so not all is bad).

3. Make time, even claim time to do the things I love. It's not that T. doesn't want me to do those things, but I tend to drop and give up on everything I’d like to do if I even have the faintest impression that it would bother someone else, that someone else wouldn’t like me to do those things or if anyone has different ideas about it.I'd really like to stand up for what I want more.

So... let's see if these plans will take root* in my life this month. It starts with a struggle already - I've been working in the garden and deepcleaning my kitchen yesterday and now my back hurts. But I will shut down the computer after I post this.

*hence the picture. Ha! sometimes I feel so clever ;-)

(I hesitated posting this, but there's nothing like knowing that you've posted things out in the open to keep going at them.)

linking up with Carole's Three on Thursday