One word, three things



As most of you know, my word for the year 2020 is “accept”.

So, how’s that going?
Well, so far I’ve learned three things.

1. Accepting things you know will happen (like my mom’s death) may seem “easy” in advance (not really easy, but doable, because you already know it’s coming), but it’s still awful and hard to deal with when it really happens.

2. Acceptance goes beyond bare facts. Actually, I think my lesson for this year is to learn to accept my feelings about things. I thought acceptance would give me some enlightened, serene sense of peace, but sadness, hopelessness, anger, and guilt pierce right through the whole “I accept this” mantra.
I am still learning to not only accept that I wasn’t able to see my mother before she died, nor to attend her funeral, but also all the feelings that go with those facts. That part is a lot harder.

3. It’s also really hard to accept the unknown. These days, we have no idea what to expect for the future. There’s a lot going on here on the island and it may very well affect our safety here, so we could be forced to locate back to The Netherlands (that’s a worst-case scenario, but not unlikely). It could also very well blow over quickly.
And while we’re planning to (finally) visit our family in September, we may very well be in lockdown again by then. We were Covid-free, but we let tourists in... (had too, the island is broke).
We just don’t know what will happen. And I don’t do well with not knowing what to expect. Accepting that things are about to happen… as I said before, I can do that. Accepting that I’ll just have to live by the day and wait for whatever comes our way is a lot harder…but I’m trying.

linking up with Carole's Three on Thursday

Comments

  1. Losses like yours must be the hardest part of this pandemic to Accept—good byes. I extend deepest sympathies to you, Maggie, as you sit with grief. All the unknowing in the midst of that—good for you for trying. Sometimes trying just has to be enough. xo

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  2. I am sure the accepting has been greatly affected by the reactions to COVID. I wish we could make things easier in life, but all we can do is control our reaction to life. I will pray peace will find you and help you through the uncertainty.

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  3. I am so sorry about your mom. I'm extremely behind on reading blogs/my email and am just starting to catch up. I'm so sorry you weren't able to be with your mom or attend the funeral but I am confident she knew you loved her and were with her in spirit. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope peace, as well as acceptance, find you. Also stay safe on the island!

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  4. what a beautiful reflection on your word. Acceptance is hard and I resist it but I find I am happy when I am accepting and rolling with whatever happens.

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