Monday, April 27, 2020

I wanna go home

T.  woke up singing "I wanna go home" (from Sloop John B. by the Beach Boys). I didn't really know that song, but goodness, that jukebox in his mind is always spot on...

Today we were supposed to fly to The Netherlands to see our kids and our family. Our flight has been canceled for a while and I thought I'd processed it, but the closer we came to this date, the harder it got. And today it just sucks.

On top of that, my mom called Friday to tell us that she thinks it will be over soon. She can't eat anymore and the doctor told her to stop forcing it. She's also very, very tired and I think she's ready to go. She wants to see our girls and her sister one more time. That's all happening this week, and I think that will be it...

If the borders were open, the timing would be just right for us to arrive tomorrow. But they aren't. And there aren't any options. Even if we could get CuraƧao to let us go and The Netherlands to let us in, even if we'd ignore that we can't afford to stay in The Netherlands for months (we wouldn't be allowed to return) and what would happen to our house if we'd just let it sit, even if we don't take all those things into account, we'd have to stay quarantined for two weeks. And that would make it all rather pointless.

I won't even go into the fact that we're both having cold symptoms (so we're probably not even allowed to fly).

Anyway. I know I'm not the only one with problems like this and I know there are people with much worse problems (on this island alone 50.000 people are in poverty right now - that's one-third of the population). But I am having a hard time right now.

I know people worry when I don't post for a while (and I can't even begin to express how much I appreciate that!), so here's a head-up. I probably won't be posting often for some time. I've been blogging since 2001 and I know by now that I just can't keep blogging when life gets a bit too hard to handle. I'm going to try to post when I feel like it, but I won't force it since that usually ends with me quitting blogging altogether and I don't want that.

So... hope to see you soon! Wishing you all a much better week than I'm having ;-)


  1. Hello. What you are going through is so hard. I will pray for you, my friend. I totally get not blogging for a while. I took almost a year off when my husband had a brain aneurysm and spent two months in the hospital and many more months recovering. It was hard, so I do get that. Stay well and know that there are many who care. Virtual hugs from UT, USA.

  2. So sorry you have to deal with this. Be kind to yourself.

  3. I am so sorry. I wish there was anything I could do. I'm sending you a big hug, and I hope you both get better soon. Could you write your mom a letter, maybe? Take some pictures and send it to her? Please don't stress yourself, because I said I was worried, but I will be thinking of you.

  4. I am so sorry to hear this, even when we know the inevitable, it doesn't make it any easier to accept. Please take the time you need to process life and don't worry about us, let us worry about you. Lifting you up my friend.

  5. Dearest G,
    I am thinking of you - sending love - sending empathy.
    And for now, have some days. Eat some good food, rest, sit by the sea, think of the good memories, or think of nothing at all. Smile at T now and then, go for a drive, breathe deep.
    Love to you,

  6. praying for you and your mother, it is hard to not be with those we love - I'm sending a virtual hug!!