One word, three things



Last month I chickened out of writing about how it's going with my one word. Because... actually, it wasn't going too well. And it still isn't. But maybe I have to accept that too (accept is my word this year).

Three things I've learned so far:

1. I really, really struggle with accepting the not so fun, but inevitable bad parts of life. I fight to change things and if I can't fight, I try to escape my feelings. Usually by comfort eating, but also mindless browsing blogs, Instagram or Pinterest. I really, really need to work on that. It's okay to try to come up with solutions, but there are things that just happen and there's nothing I can do about it. Lean into it. Accept.

2. I can't do it all. That's something I've been struggling with my whole life and I really need to accept that, since I'm not getting any younger and I will be able to less and less instead of more and more. But in my mind, there's always room for more things to do.
Bookkeeping for several small businesses, keeping a rather large house clean, maintaining a giant garden (um... as soon as I get rid of all those thornbushes), renovating a house, editing novels, writing newsletters and press releases, writing a blog (two!), sewing, knitting, reading, go to the beach, meet with friends, spent time with my husband, talk with my children and parents on the phone... That's what I do and yes, it's a lot already.
But certainly, I could start another blog (or two, or three - so many ideas!), take more writing assignments, write a new novel, try to write a cozy mystery or maybe a book about knitting or sewing or cooking, start a youtube channel, make stuff to sell, draw, paint, grow herbs and make herbal remedies, take a few courses (Papiamentu, local herbal, sewing)...
Oh well, you get the drift. Nope, can't do it all. Accept that. Choose.

3. I'm living a wonderful life. Strangely, I can't really accept that. Is it my Calvinistic upbringing that tells me this can't be right? I always feel like I can't be living on a beautiful island, have this beautiful home, this wonderful husband, these amazing daughters (and two great future sons-in-law too). There's always this little voice that says it won't last, I don't deserve this, something will go wrong soon...
I know it's silly. Though part of it is true, of course. Sad things will happen (see #1.). But that doesn't mean my life isn't wonderful as well. I want to live in the moment and enjoy every minute of it, feel it. Savor it while it lasts, without constantly thinking it won't last. Accept the blessing. Just be happy. Why is that so hard?

Linking up with Carole's Three on Thursday

Comments

  1. I hear you, Maggie. I used to live with a strange feeling like, at any moment, the other shoe is going to drop and I'm going to lose everything--and so I felt like I was holding on to a sapling growing out of the side of a cliff. I know my cortisol was very high during those years (a bit more than a decade), and it took a serious toll. I guess I share this because I want you to know I get it. It's not just as simple as 'staying present' and 'being grateful,' and I get that, too.

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    1. Thank you for taking time to write this comment. It's good to know I'm not alone.
      I guess my cortisol is high too. I googled what that means and yes, all symptom boxes ticked. I think I know what's causing it too (sleep deprivation mostly and, ofcourse, stress). Weird maybe, but knowing it's a hormonal imbalance, not me going/being crazy is such a relief. Thank you!

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  2. You are voicing the struggles of most of us creative types. And the internet has only helped and harmed. Helped us find the things we need to bring life to our art, and inundated us with SO MUCH STUFF TO ASPIRE TO! LOL. I fight the urge to start a new hobby EVERY! DAY! Weaving!!! Long Arm quilting, Rug hooking, the list goes on. Hope you find a balance to all your desires.

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    1. Oh! Weaving! And quilting, forgot abut that one. Rug hooking... Well, exactly.
      I try to see all these ideas as fun and inspirational, but sometimes it bugs me that I can't do it all. Striving for balance, yes! Always.

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  3. You're human! And accept is a pretty hard word to live by 24/7. Wishing you peace of mind and a lovely week.

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    1. Thank you! Yes, it is a hard word. But it seems I really needed to focus on it.

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  4. Accepting our many blessings is hard sometimes. Here's my 2 cents. We are given grace not through any merit of our own doing. Period. It's a gift from the Universe or God or whatever you believe in.

    I loved reading your thoughts on accepting. Maybe I should write 3 things about my word next week. Humility. That's a tough one for me too!

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    1. Yes, you're right. It is a gift. And if you think about it that way, it's rude not to accept it and be grateful...
      Humility is a though one too!

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  5. I value the ordinary days the most when I am not worried about a single thing, that is true contentment! Love reading what you are thinking about and your journey of self discovery.

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    1. That's so true. And I hope you (and I) have plenty of those days!

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