Thursday, February 27, 2020
One word, three things
Last month I chickened out of writing about how it's going with my one word. Because... actually, it wasn't going too well. And it still isn't. But maybe I have to accept that too (accept is my word this year).
Three things I've learned so far:
1. I really, really struggle with accepting the not so fun, but inevitable bad parts of life. I fight to change things and if I can't fight, I try to escape my feelings. Usually by comfort eating, but also mindless browsing blogs, Instagram or Pinterest. I really, really need to work on that. It's okay to try to come up with solutions, but there are things that just happen and there's nothing I can do about it. Lean into it. Accept.
2. I can't do it all. That's something I've been struggling with my whole life and I really need to accept that, since I'm not getting any younger and I will be able to less and less instead of more and more. But in my mind, there's always room for more things to do.
Bookkeeping for several small businesses, keeping a rather large house clean, maintaining a giant garden (um... as soon as I get rid of all those thornbushes), renovating a house, editing novels, writing newsletters and press releases, writing a blog (two!), sewing, knitting, reading, go to the beach, meet with friends, spent time with my husband, talk with my children and parents on the phone... That's what I do and yes, it's a lot already.
But certainly, I could start another blog (or two, or three - so many ideas!), take more writing assignments, write a new novel, try to write a cozy mystery or maybe a book about knitting or sewing or cooking, start a youtube channel, make stuff to sell, draw, paint, grow herbs and make herbal remedies, take a few courses (Papiamentu, local herbal, sewing)...
Oh well, you get the drift. Nope, can't do it all. Accept that. Choose.
3. I'm living a wonderful life. Strangely, I can't really accept that. Is it my Calvinistic upbringing that tells me this can't be right? I always feel like I can't be living on a beautiful island, have this beautiful home, this wonderful husband, these amazing daughters (and two great future sons-in-law too). There's always this little voice that says it won't last, I don't deserve this, something will go wrong soon...
I know it's silly. Though part of it is true, of course. Sad things will happen (see #1.). But that doesn't mean my life isn't wonderful as well. I want to live in the moment and enjoy every minute of it, feel it. Savor it while it lasts, without constantly thinking it won't last. Accept the blessing. Just be happy. Why is that so hard?
Linking up with Carole's Three on Thursday