Monday, December 30, 2019
(reusing an old picture because I'm too lazy/busy to take a new one)
Last year I was thinking about what word to focus on for 2019 and all that came to me was 'home'.
I resisted at first. Strongly. Because it made me sad to even think about it.
At that moment we were still in our house in the Netherlands, but it didn't feel like home anymore because it was staged for selling and already under contract. We had been searching for a house on Curaçao, but every time we thought we found a good one, something went wrong (sellers deciding not to sell, after all, other buyers cutting in, etc.). We were planning to really move to the island, but I still had a lot of mixed feelings about it.
I thought it would make things even harder for me if I focused on 'home' as my one word.
Well, it turned out it was the perfect word for this year. I didn't focus on it, but it sort of worked its way into my thoughts a lot.
I learned that home isn't only about walls or things. I love, love, love the house we ended up buying and renovating. I'm excited about all the things we plan to do and yes, it helps to live in a house I like so much, but in the first few months, I suffered a lot from homesickness.
Home also isn't only about being with your loved one(s), because that was part of the problem for me. I felt torn between my husband on Curaçao and our daughters and my parents in The Netherlands and I knew that would never really change.
But...I felt so much better when I allowed myself to do and enjoy the things I did before we moved. Knitting, (dreaming of) sewing, thrifting, reading, blogging, gardening and even cleaning.
Of course, our lives are different now and it's not the same, but these things are part of me and I needed to get back to them. Incorporating them into our new life was exactly what I needed.
I guess feeling at home is also about identity, about being able to be who you are, to do what you love.
Last Friday we returned from our trip to The Netherlands. Although I have felt sad for not being closer to my family, I haven't felt sad for not living there anymore one second when we were there.
And yes, it feels so good to be home again!