Thursday, May 30, 2019
Three things - home is more than just a word
I read some blog posts about the 'one word' thing this week (here and here) and realized that the word I dismissed is actually really present in my life this year.
Wait, let me find that post... ... ... Hmn, I thought I blogged about that, but apparently, I didn't. Or at least I can't find it. Oh well, I'll explain.
I dismissed the word 'home' because when 2018 ended and 2019 started, I didn't feel at home anywhere. We didn't have a house on Curaçao yet (and as you may remember it was quite a struggle to find one) and the Dutch house was more or less sold and also staged for viewings. It didn't feel like my home anymore.
So choosing 'home' felt wrong. I was already depressed and a bit homesick, no need to focus on that. And since I couldn't come up with another word, I just skipped the whole one-word thing.
But looking back, this whole year has been about 'home', so I might as well embrace it.
So, here are three things I learned so far.
- owning a house that I love definitely helps to feel at home. Since we bought the house, our tiny apartment feels more like home too, the whole island does. When things go wrong I still tend to think 'I just want to go home!', but lately that is followed by 'Oh wait, I am home and I don't actually want to go back to Holland.'
I guess having a place to root is really important to me.
- having my stuff here also helps. I did blog about that. We brought just a few bits and pieces, but having them around makes this furnished apartment feel like more than just a place to stay.
- the hard part is still being so far away from my family. T. has been away for work more than usual this past week and I realized that this island will never be home without him, even though I love it so, so much and we will live in the house of my dreams in a few months. I felt homesickness rearing its ugly little head even during those few hours alone. There was also some stuff happening with my family and I felt the distance harder than ever.
If something ever happens to T. (I still worry about his health a lot) I will probably move back to Holland. It's true what they say: home is where the heart is. Right now the biggest part of my heart is here, so that's good.
Linking up with Carole's Three on Thursday