Tuesday, January 31, 2012



Right now I am...

:: enjoying lots of sunshine (through the windows, cause it's really, really cold today)

:: looking back at one month of daily photographs and only two of them that I really don't like

:: happy because one of my photographs was featured on shuttersisters 365

:: trying to get myself to do some housework now

:: quite sucked into the story I'm writing at this moment. Which is great since I already sold it (the new writing gig). I've set myself a deadline for halfway March, but at this rate I may even finish it this week...

:: going to do some vacuuming before I allow myself to get back to that story

Monday, January 30, 2012





Right now I am...

:: cold. Winter finally began here. It's even snowing (a little bit).

:: tired and busy. So, nothing new ;-)

Friday, January 27, 2012



Right now I am...

:: giggling because I always manage to plan a very busy workday when all the other family members are "sort of taking the day off". Oh well.

:: still getting some work done

:: wondering how much I'll share here about my new writing gig. I have one. That's probably all you need to know (it's in Dutch)

Thursday, January 26, 2012



Right now I am...

:: laughing at myself because of today's picture. This morning I wondered if maybe I'd challenge myself next month and try to take pictures inside for a while. But I thought "nah, not yet, I'm to busy to start new things and I like to go outside to find me something beautiful".

But today is so dark, cold and rainy that none of the things I tried outside came out right. So here I am, taking pictures inside. Maybe this will be a way to reconnect to my home a bit.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012



Right now I am...

:: looking at my handwriting (notes for my new book are next to me, but words aren't flowing yet)

:: wondering why I always slip from 'nice' to 'almost unreadable' (hmn, maybe because I do and have always done most of my writing on the computer)

:: smelling the wonderful scent of draadjesvlees cooking (actually I think it's the spices I smell, but it is delicious anyway)

:: glad that I finally remembered that I wanted to make this (I usually remember an hour before dinertime, that's way too late for draadjesvlees)

Tuesday, January 24, 2012






Right now I am...

:: smiling at the difference between these four pictures

:: thinking they match the days they were taken on quit nicely (today is the first, Saturday is the bottom one). Yesterday was indeed blurry.

Friday, January 20, 2012




Right now I am...

:: content that I stood up for myself (that major disappointment? it's not anymore)

:: excited for new plans that are starting to work out

:: tired because I was a model for my girl again, two days straight in a row and one more tomorrow

:: happy that then she's almost through catching up the three months she missed because she had an injury on her right hand

:: trying to make myself shut down the computer and leave it down for the weekend

Wednesday, January 18, 2012



Right now I am...

:: listening to a cat declaring that he want his dinner this minute

:: telling him that he's two hours early (and he started this an hour ago!)

:: thinking that he maybe confused because today is a dark, dark day

:: trying no to remember that he could also be hungry because two hours ago he emptied his stomach on the couch, the table and the floor..

:: feeling the darkness of this day inside my head

:: trying to find some sunshine in doing the things I love (taking pictures in the rain... something like that)

Tuesday, January 17, 2012



Right now I am...

:: thinking that indeed my word for 2012 should be 'confidence'

:: knowing that's what I lack the most these days

:: working on it, really

:: kicking myself to get back to work, finish that novel* and start those new projects (I'm battling doubt crows)

:: reminding myself of the song that this blog was named after. I choose that name a few years ago because that was how I felt. I will feel like that again.

 *Edited to add: finished! Printed to let my proofreaders (the girls) have a final check and then off to my publisher it goes!

Monday, January 16, 2012





Right now I am...

:: tired because I did a lot of (house) work today

:: frustrated because that didn't leave me any time to write (I have a novel to finish and some new work to prepare)

:: worried that I will always have to choose between the two

:: thinking that it might be a good idea to go back to a routine with complete days cut out for writing or housework

:: smiling because I know routines just don't work in this house

:: working on fully accepting that

Friday, January 13, 2012



Right now I am

:: so happy that we have a bit of sunshine to enjoy today

:: feeling my energy returning

:: happy that I finally got around to some much needed cleaning

:: wishing you all a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, January 12, 2012



Right now I am...

:: smiling because this morning I first was a Japanese Blossom Fairy and then I broke my nose (not really)

:: thinking I need to explain now that I was a model for my girl who is training to be an allround make-up artist (in that beautiful "Amsterdamse school" building)

:: so proud of what she has accomplished so far (working here and doing internships here and here)

Wednesday, January 11, 2012



Right now I am...

:: grateful for this beautiful sunrise that started my day

:: trying to get my act together and cross some things off my todo list

Tuesday, January 10, 2012



Right now I am...

:: focusing on happy little things (see that curly bit? I like it)

:: trying to handle a major disappointment

:: making new plans already

Monday, January 9, 2012



Right now I am...

:: wondering where the day went

:: worrying about all the things I was supposed to do today (but didn't do)

:: reminding myself that writing sometimes is indeed a full time job

:: knowing that tomorrow will be another day

:: smiling at the birdhouse that one of the girls made at school eight years ago. It's still going strong and heavily in use each spring

Sunday, January 8, 2012



Right now I am...

:: tired because I didn't sleep much last night

:: rewriting my fifth (to be published - it's actually my eighth) novel

:: understanding, finally, where I want that story to go

:: enjoying the process

Saturday, January 7, 2012


7/366 (3)

7/366 (2)


Right now I am...

:: bending the rules of my picture-a-day project a bit

:: unable to decide which picture I like best

:: thinking I like them all in a different way

:: loving this heather. It reminds me of my childhood (we had a lot of it in our garden and we used to go for walks here on Sundays)

Friday, January 6, 2012



Right now I am...

:: smiling because I love this cat (we all do)

:: remembering fondly how he chose me as his new owner when I visited the shelter to find us a new cat

:: giggling at his funny habits (sitting on his tail)

:: hoping he will stay with us a little while longer (we don't know his age, but he was 10+ when we got him 4 years ago. He really is looking old lately, but he's still happy, friendly and active - when he's awake)

Thursday, January 5, 2012



Right now I am...

:: worried about the people threatened by this storm

we learned that luckily my aunt and uncle are close to, but not in the polder where a dike is breaking - the storm surge barrier that will protect our part of the country is closed already - the region where my parents and brother live (that was flooded in 1953) is safe for now.

:: listening to the wind around our house (I can't find the words to decribe the sound of it, it's not howling, it's more like bumping or banging)

:: smiling because I did take a few minutes to get out of my car to feel and really mindfully notice the power of that storm. It's both scary and beautiful.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


Right now I am...

:: still recovering from the flu

:: not able to do all the things on my list as quickly as I wanted to

:: actually enjoying this slower pace 

:: noticing things get done better in the end

:: thinking that this might be a lesson for me to learn this year: slow down!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012



Right now I am...

:: listening to the storm raging outside

:: so glad we installed double glazing and a new roof

:: taking down Christmas decorations

:: thinking about keeping that wreath for a while (that's the backside, the front is decorated with clippings from the garden)

Monday, January 2, 2012



Right now I am...

:: saying goodbye to this beautiful flower, since my family is suffering hay-feverish symptoms on top of their flu

:: still glad that I bought it. It was fun watching it grow over the last month



Right now I am...

:: finding the lessons in last year's mishaps

:: ready to change

:: determined to find a bit of happiness in blogging and photography again