not a station: January 2012

1-31-2012

Right now I am...

:: enjoying lots of sunshine (through the windows, cause it's really, really cold today)

:: looking back at one month of daily photographs and only two of them that I really don't like

:: happy because one of my photographs was featured on shuttersisters 365

:: trying to get myself to do some housework now

:: quite sucked into the story I'm writing at this moment. Which is great since I already sold it (the new writing gig). I've set myself a deadline for halfway March, but at this rate I may even finish it this week...

:: going to do some vacuuming before I allow myself to get back to that story

1-30-2012

Right now I am...

:: cold. Winter finally began here. It's even snowing (a little bit).

:: tired and busy. So, nothing new ;-)

1-27-2012

Right now I am...

:: giggling because I always manage to plan a very busy workday when all the other family members are "sort of taking the day off". Oh well.

:: still getting some work done

:: wondering how much I'll share here about my new writing gig. I have one. That's probably all you need to know (it's in Dutch)

1-26-2012

Right now I am...

:: laughing at myself because of today's picture. This morning I wondered if maybe I'd challenge myself next month and try to take pictures inside for a while. But I thought "nah, not yet, I'm to busy to start new things and I like to go outside to find me something beautiful".

But today is so dark, cold and rainy that none of the things I tried outside came out right. So here I am, taking pictures inside. Maybe this will be a way to reconnect to my home a bit.

1-25-2012

Right now I am...

:: looking at my handwriting (notes for my new book are next to me, but words aren't flowing yet)

:: wondering why I always slip from 'nice' to 'almost unreadable' (hmn, maybe because I do and have always done most of my writing on the computer)

:: smelling the wonderful scent of draadjesvlees cooking (actually I think it's the spices I smell, but it is delicious anyway)

:: glad that I finally remembered that I wanted to make this (I usually remember an hour before dinertime, that's way too late for draadjesvlees)

1-24-2012

Right now I am...

:: smiling at the difference between these four pictures

:: thinking they match the days they were taken on quit nicely (today is the first, Saturday is the bottom one). Yesterday was indeed blurry.

1-20-2012

Right now I am...

:: content that I stood up for myself (that major disappointment? it's not anymore)

:: excited for new plans that are starting to work out

:: tired because I was a model for my girl again, two days straight in a row and one more tomorrow

:: happy that then she's almost through catching up the three months she missed because she had an injury on her right hand

:: trying to make myself shut down the computer and leave it down for the weekend

1-18-2012

Right now I am...

:: listening to a cat declaring that he want his dinner this minute

:: telling him that he's two hours early (and he started this an hour ago!)

:: thinking that he maybe confused because today is a dark, dark day

:: trying no to remember that he could also be hungry because two hours ago he emptied his stomach on the couch, the table and the floor..

:: feeling the darkness of this day inside my head

:: trying to find some sunshine in doing the things I love (taking pictures in the rain... something like that)

1-17-2012

Right now I am...

:: thinking that indeed my word for 2012 should be 'confidence'

:: knowing that's what I lack the most these days

:: working on it, really

:: kicking myself to get back to work, finish that novel* and start those new projects (I'm battling doubt crows)

:: reminding myself of the song that this blog was named after. I choose that name a few years ago because that was how I felt. I will feel like that again.

*Edited to add: finished! Printed to let my proofreaders (the girls) have a final check and then off to my publisher it goes!

1-16-2012

Right now I am...

:: tired because I did a lot of (house) work today

:: frustrated because that didn't leave me any time to write (I have a novel to finish and some new work to prepare)

:: worried that I will always have to choose between the two

:: thinking that it might be a good idea to go back to a routine with complete days cut out for writing or housework

:: smiling because I know routines just don't work in this house

:: working on fully accepting that

1-13-2012

Right now I am

:: so happy that we have a bit of sunshine to enjoy today

:: feeling my energy returning

:: happy that I finally got around to some much needed cleaning

:: wishing you all a wonderful weekend!

1-12-2012

Right now I am...

:: smiling because this morning I first was a Japanese Blossom Fairy and then I broke my nose (not really)

:: thinking I need to explain now that I was a model for my girl who is training to be an allround make-up artist (in that beautiful "Amsterdamse school" building)

:: so proud of what she has accomplished so far (working here and doing internships here and here)

1-11-2012

Right now I am...

:: grateful for this beautiful sunrise that started my day

:: trying to get my act together and cross some things off my todo list

1-10-2012

Right now I am...

:: focusing on happy little things (see that curly bit? I like it)

:: trying to handle a major disappointment

:: making new plans already

1-9-2012

Right now I am...

:: wondering where the day went

:: worrying about all the things I was supposed to do today (but didn't do)

:: reminding myself that writing sometimes is indeed a full time job

:: knowing that tomorrow will be another day

:: smiling at the birdhouse that one of the girls made at school eight years ago. It's still going strong and heavily in use each spring

1-8-2012

Right now I am...

:: tired because I didn't sleep much last night

:: rewriting my fifth (to be published - it's actually my eighth) novel

:: understanding, finally, where I want that story to go

:: enjoying the process

1-7-2012

Right now I am...

:: bending the rules of my picture-a-day project a bit

:: unable to decide which picture I like best

:: thinking I like them all in a different way

:: loving this heather. It reminds me of my childhood (we had a lot of it in our garden and we used to go for walks here on Sundays)

1-6-2012

Right now I am...

:: smiling because I love this cat (we all do)

:: remembering fondly how he chose me as his new owner when I visited the shelter to find us a new cat

:: giggling at his funny habits (sitting on his tail)

:: hoping he will stay with us a little while longer (we don't know his age, but he was 10+ when we got him 4 years ago. He really is looking old lately, but he's still happy, friendly and active - when he's awake)

1-5-2012

Right now I am...

:: worried about the people threatened by this storm

we learned that luckily my aunt and uncle are close to, but not in the polder where a dike is breaking - the storm surge barrier that will protect our part of the country is closed already - the region where my parents and brother live (that was flooded in 1953) is safe for now.

:: listening to the wind around our house (I can't find the words to decribe the sound of it, it's not howling, it's more like bumping or banging)

:: smiling because I did take a few minutes to get out of my car to feel and really mindfully notice the power of that storm. It's both scary and beautiful.